What is Codependency?
Codependency was originally a concept from the recovery community to describe relationships with a loved one suffering from addiction. The Codependents Anonymous or CoDA mimics the 12 Step recovery method of Alcoholics Anonymous and follows the medical model asserting that codependency, like addition, is a disease that is incurable and can only be managed. Things have changed a bit and newer models offer recovery based on addressing underlying attachment disorders formed in childhood and our consequent behaviors - which we have the power to change!
Somewhere along the line, we learned to doubt our perception, discount our feelings, and overlook our needs. We looked to others to tell us what to think, feel, and behave. Other people supplied us with information about who we were and should be. It became more important to be compliant or avoidant rather than to be authentic, and we adopted rigid beliefs about what “should be.” We believed that if we could just “get it right,” things would be okay. When we “got it wrong,” our sense of security and self-worth evaporated. (found at coda.org/):
Wondering if this describes how you are in relationships?
Do you feel responsible for solving other people's problems?
Do you offer unsolicited advice and expect this advice to be followed?
Do you use shame, blame or guilt to manipulate others?
Do you fear rejection or abandonment or fear being unlovable if you don't put others' needs first?
Do you try to please people at the expense of your own feelings in order to feel liked or loved?
And then often feel used or unappreciated?
Do you take everything personally and often feel like a victim?
Do you make excuses for others' mistreatment of you? Do you blame yourself?
If you are interested in examining how you show up in your relationships
and getting unstuck, contact me for a consultation.
Codependency was originally a concept from the recovery community to describe relationships with a loved one suffering from addiction. The Codependents Anonymous or CoDA mimics the 12 Step recovery method of Alcoholics Anonymous and follows the medical model asserting that codependency, like addition, is a disease that is incurable and can only be managed. Things have changed a bit and newer models offer recovery based on addressing underlying attachment disorders formed in childhood and our consequent behaviors - which we have the power to change!
Somewhere along the line, we learned to doubt our perception, discount our feelings, and overlook our needs. We looked to others to tell us what to think, feel, and behave. Other people supplied us with information about who we were and should be. It became more important to be compliant or avoidant rather than to be authentic, and we adopted rigid beliefs about what “should be.” We believed that if we could just “get it right,” things would be okay. When we “got it wrong,” our sense of security and self-worth evaporated. (found at coda.org/):
Wondering if this describes how you are in relationships?
Do you feel responsible for solving other people's problems?
Do you offer unsolicited advice and expect this advice to be followed?
Do you use shame, blame or guilt to manipulate others?
Do you fear rejection or abandonment or fear being unlovable if you don't put others' needs first?
Do you try to please people at the expense of your own feelings in order to feel liked or loved?
And then often feel used or unappreciated?
Do you take everything personally and often feel like a victim?
Do you make excuses for others' mistreatment of you? Do you blame yourself?
If you are interested in examining how you show up in your relationships
and getting unstuck, contact me for a consultation.
